


What's the Truth?

by pherryt



Series: SPN GENRE BINGO [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accident in space, Android AU, Android!Cas, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explosions, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sci Fi AU, Secrets, android phobia, bad science is bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 20:55:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15759519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: Dean has never made a secret of his hatred for AI's -especiallyandroids. His whole world is turned on it's edge when he finds out Cas has been hiding something big from him since they met... and before he can even come to terms with it, he almost loses Cas for good.





	What's the Truth?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ltleflrt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ltleflrt/gifts), [li_izumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/li_izumi/gifts).



> This is... kind of a collaboration? Li_izumi gave me a ship, and a prompt towards my free space, but I needed a genre for a setting and the kind folks on the Dean/Benny Lovers server on discord suggested Sci fi and then narrowed it down further to androids. And I've been reading Ltleflrts Dreaming in Digital and I just suddenly knew i had to do it.
> 
> Which is also probably why it went past my original 2-3k estimate. Then i upped it to 6k. and well, look where I am. I'm gonna blame Ltleflrt for that too.
> 
> Thank you all for the help! and TreeFrogie for letting me bounce that problem sentence off on you. I can't believe the solution was that simple.
> 
> Fic not beta'd - written for the Free Space on my SPN GENRE BINGO Card! I think that means I only have 2 left! (i took the 9 square card)

Dean blinked and yawned, stretching out his arms and legs before tossing back the blankets and staring at the chronometer.

It was late – or early, depending on your point of view – and Cas hadn’t come to bed yet. He’d assured Dean he would only be a little longer but – Dean glanced at the numbers again – whatever his project was had obviously taken longer than expected.

Dean reached sleepily for his com and thumbed it on, tuning to Cas’s frequency – they didn’t want to wake the whole ship of course (again) – and yawned once more.

“Hey Cas? Didja fall asleep down in the lab or are you still” Yawn “working?”

There was silence, then static – which was highly unusual – and Dean stared at his com in confusion. “Cas?”

“Dean?” Cas’s voice sounded tinny and far away and Dean’s confusion deepened, a frown working its way onto his face. “Ah… just… just a little longer, I think.”

“A little longer? That’s what you said last night. It’s been five hours, Cas,” Dean said. “Are you sure it’s something you need to finish tonight?” he wracked his brains trying to think of any emergency project the captain might have assigned his partner but he couldn’t think of a damn thing.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Cas said firmly, his voice no less tinny. Was there something wrong with the com systems? Maybe that’s what Cas was working on?

“Okay then, talk to me. Whatchya workin’ on?” Dean slurred into the com.

“Dean, there’s no need to stay awake and keep me company,” Cas insisted. “You need your sleep.”

“So do you! “sides, I’m lonely, Cas. I miss you,” Dean whined. “My bed isn’t nearly as comfortable when you’re not here.”

“… my apologies, Dean,” Cas said. He sounded very contrite and Dean smiled.

“Nah, it’s okay. I’ll live. But I could cheer you on? Maybe the work’ll go faster then?”

“Very well.”

“Good. So what are you working on? You still haven’t said.” Dean yawned again, closing his eyes and letting Castiel’s gravelly voice wash over him. Even if it sounded somewhat distorted through the coms, it was still one of the best sounds Dean had ever heard.

“I’m trying to fix a processing error in the primary internal heating mechanism for a… a critical unit. I discovered it shortly before shifts end and it wasn’t going to wait. I thought it would be an easy fix, I’ve fixed it before, but something’s gone wrong. Trying to chase down the error has led to the discovery of others and every fix I make seems to… make things worse.” Cas sounded very put out.

“Maybe you should take a break. Or call someone in to help you. You’re a genius, Cas, don’t get me wrong, but your eyes are probably going cross-eyed staring at whatever you’re doing for so long.”

“I assure you, Dean, I’m fine – in fact, I think I’ve just about solved it – “

Cas went silent and instead of a quiet but triumphant confirmation as Dean expected, he heard only static. Minutes passed and still nothing.

“Cas?”

“D-d-dean,” Cas’s voice rasped oddly, choppy and so off sounding that Dean sat up in alarm. “So-so-so-ry-ry-ry…lll-l-o-o-o-vvv-ve yuh-yuh-oooooooh”

“Cas? What’s wrong?” Dean leapt to his feet and grabbed his coveralls. The com line had gone dead, not even static coming over the speakers anymore. That distortion had been weird… yet familiar, as if he’d heard it before. It made his stomach turn. He thumbed it back on, changing the frequency.

“Computer, status in the R&M Lab?” he barked as he tossed the com to the bed and tried to hop into his coveralls as fast as possible.

“Lab is powered on and functioning normally.”

Dean frowned. “Status of Castiel Novak.”

“Castiel Novak is in the lab.”

“Yes, but what’s his status?” Dean zipped up, shoved his feet into his boots, grabbed the com and ran out the door, nearly slamming face first into it in his haste.

“Castiel Novak is in the lab,” the computer repeated.

Dean growled. “Run medical scans on Castiel Novak you hunk of junk.” God, he hated AI’s. The safe ones were the dumbest fucking things in the galaxy and the smart, intuitive ones… If Dean wasn’t so worried over Cas, he would have shuddered at the memories of his childhood.

“Unable to comply.”

“What the fuck does  _that_ mean?” Dean bit out, barreling down the deserted corridors. “Scan the life sign in the lab!”

“I am detecting no life signs in the lab to scan.”

Dean’s heart froze. “No, no, no, no, no!”

He tore around another rounded corner, ducked a low doorway and vaulted into the null G zone, flipping himself up and over. He floated at his launching speed through the junction, corridors spiderwebbing off of it, each level painted a different color on the frames. He headed for the red level, grabbing at the handhold for the third doorway as he flew past and swung himself back into another corridor, gravity pulling him back down to the ‘floor’, which was a different direction to what the living quarters had been.

Being used to it, Dean didn’t falter in the slightest as he continued his frantic run towards the lab.

_Dammit! Why were the living quarters so far away from the rest of the ship?_ Logically, Dean knew the reason but at moments like these…

The lab door appeared before him at the end of the hall, looking so unassuming and innocent that for a second, Dean almost felt a fool for overreacting.

But then he skidded to a stop, slapped the palm reader and squeezed through before it was even done cycling open, his heart in his throat the whole time. _Let Cas be all right, let Cas be all right, let Cas be –_

Dean wasn’t prepared for what he saw.

Sitting in a chair by the robotics table, twitching slightly, a Castiel was… _was open,_ with wires and circuit boards, tubes of all sizes and tiny blinking lights in clear view and Dean’s stomach lurched.

Cas… wasn’t  _real?_ All this time, he’d been an android? An AI? The one thing Dean hated above all things – the suffering his family had gone through at the hands of a rogue AI – and the man he loved was  _one of them?_

“Cas?” he whispered, disbelieving, his knees weak.

Cas’s eyes fluttered opened and they looked resigned, and tears were falling from his eyes! Dean stared. AI couldn’t _do_ that! If Dean couldn’t see the machinery laying exposed in Cas’s chest, in the panel on the side of his neck, Dean would never have guessed –

Well, that was just it. He hadn’t. In all the months Cas had been on board, Dean had never known.

One of Cas’s hands lifted, reaching out for Dean and Dean couldn’t help himself – he recoiled and saw hurt flash in Cas’s eyes.

How was that possible? How was  _any_ of this possible?”

“S-s-s-sorry….’mmmmmmmmm…. s-s-sorry-ry-ry-ry.”

Dean flinched at the distorted sound of Castiel’s voice. Now that he knew what Cas really was, Dean could finally place it. It was that running down distortion when something was losing power.

A thin plume of smoke rose from a cable linked to the open panel on Cas’s neck. Dean shook his head and tried to get a handle on himself. Something was wrong with Cas and Dean would never get the explanation he deserved if he didn’t help him. Besides, Dean loved Cas. He hadn’t told the other man – android? –yet, but it was true.

Which made this hurt even more.

Dean sighed. “You owe me one hell of an explanation, buddy.” He forced himself to walk over to Cas whose eyes had lit up with hope. Dean sighed again as his heart leapt. It didn’t know or care that Cas wasn’t what he’d been pretending to be.

“All right. Let’s see what you did to yourself. I assume _you_ were the critical system with the heat problem. And now one of your “ _do it yourself_ ” patches have fucked up your speech protocol?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrow at Cas.

Cas nodded in answer to both questions, not bothering to even try speaking again. That was probably for the best, if Dean had to listen to him breaking down, it was bound to drive him crazy. Dean might be able to trick himself into thinking he was just working on any other piece of equipment by avoiding looking at Cas’s face, but if Cas tried to speak, the fact that he was an AI would hammered home all too clearly and  Dean wasn’t sure he could handle that and fix Cas at the same time.

 Best stick to yes and no answers.

“Okay, I should probably get your vocals working again – unless,” Dean thought about what had lead to it all. Overheating was a common and very dangerous problem for AI’s. The damage it could do was severe. Some claimed that it caused 90% of the issues with AI’s going rogue and that if better cooling processes were developed, the threat they caused would go away.  Remembering Alistair, Dean didn’t believe that for a second. The rogue had been ice cold to the touch. “Are you still overheating?”

Cas shook his head.

“Okay, here goes nothing.”

Dean delved in, first just looking and poking about inside Cas – he had to suppress the shivers that tried to run up and down his spine – and then at the computer where Cas had plugged himself in before trying to adjust  _anything_.

Advanced Robotics was not Dean’s specialty, but there were enough AI interface systems and such that he’d had to learn a few things. And, of course, he knew a lot about the mechanical side of things. That was where  _his_ genius lay.

Still, he’d never seen  _anything_ as advanced as Cas was and the possibility that Dean might break him irreversibly was great.

Despite being thrown with the fact that Cas  _was_ an AI, Dean didn’t like the idea of hurting him further. He took it slow, talking and watching for Cas’s reactions as Dean pointed at things and told him what he planned to do.

Eventually, though, he hit a final keystroke and Cas perked up.

“Oh… oh that’s much better.”

Dean laughed. “I’ll say. Now I can understand you again. So, if what I’m seeing is right, you’ve been self-diagnosing and doing patch jobs for years. It’s probably why you glitched so bad. Your newest patch job couldn’t make sense of contradictory input from the others. Why haven’t you said anything? Or asked for help?”

Cas stared at Dean, frozen in the act of putting himself back together.  Dean found he’d gotten used to the look and it jolted him to have his attention called back to it.

Damn, even though he’d been helping Cas fix himself, he’d almost forgotten what Cas  _was._

“I was scared,” Castiel whispered, he refused to look at Dean and Dean blinked, taken aback.

“Scared? Of me?” Dean glared at him, offended. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Trust you? I’d trust you with my life, but you have made your feelings on my kind perfectly clear…” Castiel looked at Dean pleadingly. “I wanted to come clean. I wanted there to be no secrets between us, but I couldn’t bear the thought that… that when you learned what I was, you’d force me to go or, or turn me into scrap. I thought the latter unlikely, but it is always a possibility with humans who’ve no use for something.”

“So instead you deceived me?” Dean growled. “And you thought that was okay? Cas, you’re a ticking time bomb!”

Cas snapped the last panel back into place and reached for his coveralls, pulling the top half back into place. He glared at Dean.

“And that is exactly my point, Dean. You compare me and thousands like me with the few AI’s who’ve gone rogue. I know your family has been hurt by them, extremely, and there is nothing anyone can do to make up for that, but you pit me against impossible standards. Humans are just as capable of atrocities as an AI. Should I then judge you for the actions of one of the many serial killers your kind have produced? What are they but creatures who have rebelled against the programming of their parents and society? They are as likely - If not more so – to go rogue than I am.”

Cas finished zipping his coverall and began to clean up the work area.

Dean gaped at him, at his tirade, and maybe felt a little bit of guilt. Cas wasn’t wrong…

“Now what?” Dean asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Cas said just as quietly, his back to Dean as he stilled and gripped the table. He took a shuddering breath then turned around to face Dean. “I love you… but the ball’s in your court, as you would say.”

“Love?  _Love_?” Dean scoffed. Hours ago, he’d have been over the moon to hear those words fall from Cas’s lips, but now? “You’re _artificial_ , Cas. What do _you_ know about love?”

“What do _you_?” Cas bit back, his eyes hardening. He turned about and stalked out of the lab, shutting things down as he went. He didn’t hurry, but his pace was ground eating and Dean had to rush to catch up, the corridor barely big enough for the two of them to walk side by side.

“Don’t turn this around on me! Machines are incapable of true depth of feeling. It’s been proven.”

Cas stopped and turned, pushing Dean up against the wall. He did nothing else but hold him there and Dean froze, his eyes wide with both fear and… oh god… _lust._

He swallowed. “What – what are you gonna do to me?”

“Nothing, Dean,” Cas sad, his face losing his anger and turning heartbroken. His fingers unclenched and Dean slid down the wall till his toes touched the deck plating. “I would never hurt you, but there’s no way to make you believe that. As for love, I could recite to you hundreds and thousands of literature and none of it would ever come close to describing what I feel for you. The one constant among them all is this: How do you know when you love someone? You just know.”

“But…” Dean shook his head. Cas couldn’t _really_ love him, could he? It wasn’t possible…

He blinked and saw Cas’s back disappearing into the junction and he hurried to catch up, launching himself after Cas towards the blue level.

Cas still beat him back to their quarters and Dean stared in horror when Cas grabbed his duffle and started shoving his things into it, going through his and Dean’s space like a methodical whirlwind. Where ever he’d gone he left an empty space behind, and with each thing he picked up and packed away, Dean’s heart felt emptier and emptier.

“What the hell are you doing?” Dean demanded.

“I can’t stay here, Dean. You hate everything that I am. I think it’s best if I leave.”

“But you can’t… you’re _different_ …” Dean protested weakly.

“Dean, either you let me go, or you re-evaluate your beliefs on AI. This is who I am and that isn’t going to change. You can either accept that or I leave. I can’t stay here with you watching my every move and comparing me to a flesh and blood being, every action suspect, waiting for me to snap.”

“So you’re running away? You’re not even going to give me a chance to process this, you’re just going to _leave_ me? So much for love!” Dean shouted. His emotions were all twisted up; the love he felt for Cas, the fear and hatred he held for AI’s, the confusion of trying to reconcile both those things in addition to his anger over being deceived and his fear of Cas leaving and never coming back –

God! It was all _too much!_

With a growl, he picked up his chronometer and heaved it at Cas’s head. Cas batted it away without even blinking, slung his duffle over his shoulder and turned toward the door.

Dean watched it close behind Cas, leaving Dean alone in their – no, his – quarters. It felt too big and bleak all of a sudden, all the warmth it had held only a short time ago drained away.

Cas was gone.

He was still on the ship but he was as good as gone. And… he could put in for a transfer and be lost to Dean forever.

Dean collapsed to his knees.

He stared at the door willing Cas to come back.

Dean had no idea how long he knelt there, crippled by his own short-circuiting brain, but when the ship rocked and the alarms blared, it jolted him back to awareness and got him moving again. Years of trained reflexes pushed him forward and he grabbed his kit from beside the door and hooked it to the coveralls securely before leaving his room.

First stop, the bridge.

Despite how fast he’d gone, Dean wasn’t the first one on the small bridge. Bobby, captain of the ship they all called home was staring bleakly at a panel. Sam stood beside him, arms crossed over his chest and his face grim. Charlie was frantically calling out information and each word set Dean on edge.

“What happened? What’s going on?” Dean demanded.

“There was an explosion in engineering,” Bobby spoke. “Rufus barely got everyone out in time, but it looks like we’re gonna lose containment completely in maybe… 18 minutes, less if there’s something else wrong we can’t see from here.”

“If that happens, we’re all fried,” Sam said.

“Do we have eyes in there? Do we know what needs to be fixed?” Dean asked. He heard the door cycle open and shut behind him but he didn’t turn to look as Bobby reached for the panel, flicked a switch or two and the front viewscreen lit up.

It showed the engine room and the containment chamber. It was devoid of life and thick with smoke. Flames licked the walls, getting closer and closer to the controls for the shielding.

“What happened to the auto suppressants?” Cas asked, his voice coming just over Dean’s shoulder. He’d stopped right behind Dean and Dean wanted so badly to turn and take comfort in his arms.

“Explosion took them out, and also a smaller explosion warped the hull doors – so we can’t cause a controlled breach to suck out the fire.”

“I’ll suit up,” Dean turned to go when another explosion rocked the ship and he stumbled, Cas catching him.

“Containment’s breached. That’s it, containments breached,” Sam said dully. “We’re as good as dead.”

“Jesus, none of us can go in there with all that radiation loose,” Charlie breathed out. “And if we can’t get in to make repairs…” she didn’t have to finish. They all knew that another explosion would be building up, and this time, it’d take out the ship.

They were dead either way. Their only chance now was the life pods, but they all knew it was a slim one this far out. Still, it was that or nothing.

“I’ll go,” Cas said. His voice was quiet, but determined and it cut through the bridge like a knife.

Dean stared at Cas in horror. “No! You can’t do this Cas, you’ll die!”

“I thought you didn’t care?” Cas bit out, already turning away. “I told you, I love you Dean. I love all of you and if there is something I can do to save the people I’ve come to think of as my family, then I’m damn well going to do it.”

Bobby caught Cas’s arm before he got too far. “Dean’s right, son. Anyone going in there – it’s a death sentence for sure, and you won’t last long enough for the repairs. With the life pods, at least we have a chance.”

Cas shook off his arm. “You’re operating under a misconception of my devising. I have more of a chance then you know. But Dean does. Ask him to explain.”

He strode off the bridge before Bobby could finish spluttering, Dean staring blankly at the cycling door before his brain caught up and he raced after Cas.

Dean couldn’t let Cas leave him again. Not before telling him… not before…

“Hold it right there _, Dean_ ,” Bobby barked. “Tell me what the hell is going on and why I shouldn’t be ordering an evacuation right now!”

Turning slowly, Dean faced his uncle but couldn’t look him in the eyes as he spoke. “Cas is…” he took a deep breath, his eyes darting fearfully towards his brother, Sam and then away again. “Cas is an android, AI. He won’t be affected by the radiation.”

Charlie gasped. “I knew it!”

Blinking, Dean stared at her, his jaw dropped. “What do you mean by _that?”_

Charlie waved him off. “That’s not important right now. What’s important is that the radiation might not hurt him, but further explosions will and he’s just as susceptible to fire as we are, maybe more. Android doesn’t mean indestructible.”

“Get to the point, Charlie,” Bobby grumped.

“My point is, he’s gonna need help.”

“But none of us can follow him in there,” Sam protested. Dean darted another look at his brother and found that he was taking the news of Cas’s artificialness fairly well.

Then again, Sam was so much younger than Dean had been when Alistair went on his rampage. He didn’t have the same visceral memories that still haunted Dean at night. Sleeping with Cas, those had been among the only times the nightmares didn’t come on a regular basis.

Dean swallowed.

Few things made him as happy as being with Cas did. And one way or the other, tonight, Dean was going to lose him.

He turned and stalked out of the room, grabbing a helmet and breather pack as he went, attaching the tubes and locks onto his coveralls with practiced ease. With the helmet tucked under his arm, Dean ran through the corridors, looking for the closest airlock to the engine room. He heard shouting behind him, but Dean ignored it.

It took way too long to reach the one he wanted, but as soon as he did, Dean slipped into the airlock, cycled the door shut and put on his helmet, attaching the valves and locking it all into place. Lastly, he pulled the gloves out of his kit and put them on, punching a code into the locker by the door that separated him from the vacuum of space.

The downside of putting on the helmet was that he was automatically connected to the shipwide communications systems, and even as Dean pulled the laser cutter out of the locker, he had three people screaming at him over the coms.

“Calm down, jerks,” Dean growled, pulling a cord out of one of the belt pockets of his coveralls and hooking it to a ring just beside the door. “I’m just gonna give Cas some back up. See if I can’t drill a hole in the hull from the outside. I should be protected from the radiation on this side and it doesn’t have to be big for the oxygen to get sucked out and take the fire with it. Just… just give him a heads up that I’m doing it so he’s not taken by surprised.”

“Dean, that laser cutter will never get through the hull before Castiel succumbs to the flames…” Sam pointed out.

“You don’t know that! And dammit, I’m gonna try!” Dean shouted back, slapping the last door open and jumping out, . Suddenly, everything seemed so crystal clear to him. Cas was right. He was more human then some of the _humans_ Dean had met in all his travels. Dean loved him and it was clear that Cas would do anything to save him and his family. If that wasn’t love, Dean didn’t know what was.

And… maybe he _did_ have to rethink his position on AI’s. Cas had brought up another good point. Human history was fraught with the atrocities a human could inflict on another human. Statistically, as Charlie had pointed out on more than one occasion – now Dean could see that there had been a reason for that, if she had suspected Cas of being an android all along – casualties caused by AI’s were actually low compared to what generally killed humans: themselves.

Dean bounded along the hull of the ship with this cable trailing behind him, the light magnetics of his boots kicking in to keep him close to the ship. Eying the hull critically, Dean took one more bouncing step then stopped.

“Charlie, location?”

“Right on top of the engine room. Good luck, Dean,” she said.

With a nod – more for himself than anything else, Dean set the magnetic field in his boots higher and pointed the laser cutter at the hull and turned it on. a red beam lit up space around him as it hit the hull.

A minute later, another joined it.

Dean blinked in surprise, finding Sam standing beside him, his tether fading off over the hull from a different airlock. His brother would have had to walk longer to reach him where he was, but reach him he had.

Sam glanced over at Dean and grinned. “Cas is family. And we can’t afford to lose anymore of ‘em. Besides, maybe with two laser cutters, we _can_ get there in time.”

Sending Sam an answering grin, Dean turned back to watch their progress with renewed hope.

They could _all_ get out of this alive, and then Dean would find Cas and grovel to get him to stay.

“Charlie, how’s he doing in there?” Dean called out.

“Smokes too thick to tell,” she said, worry in her voice.

“We’re almost there, Dean!” Sam shouted excitedly.

Dean nodded. He could see how bright the hull was getting and it shouldn’t be long now before – white and grey cloud roiled out of the small hole, glowing red from the flames that followed after.

“You got it!” Charlie crowed over the coms. “Slap a seal down!”

Hooking the laser cutters onto a clip, Dean and Sam both darted forward, Sam pulling out the seal kit before Dean could and unwrapping it. Dean took an end and they carefully approached the newly made hole, one on each side of it, hoping against hope that the radiation wouldn’t disperse broadly.

They slapped the seal down and held it in place. Sam reached for the button to activate the seal and Dean watched as it smoothed out and adhered to the hull. He would always be in awe at how simple yet effective it was.

It was just a temp job, of course, but it’d be easier now, to make a better fix from the inside and a permanent fix next time they hit port.

Sam and Dean grinned at each other and Dean held his hand up for a high-five. Sam returned it and they separated to return to their separate airlocks. Dean unlocked the boot magnets completely and hit the reel button on his cable, allowing it to tow him back in.

He reached the airlock in good spirits and as soon as he was back in the ship proper, he unlatched his helmet, feeling giddy as he raced down to the engine room. He and Sam and just bought Cas some time, and that meant the rest should be a piece of cake.

Skidding to a stop outside the engine room, Dean spotted Rufus. “What’s the status? He almost done in there?”

Rufus was winding gauze around one of the junior engineers, Garth, and he paused to look up at Dean, shaking his head. “No clue,” he grunted. “There’s been not a peep for the last five minutes.”

Dean’s breathing hitched. He dug into his pocket for his com and thumbed it on. “Bridge, talk to me. How’s he lookin’?” Dean’s voice shook, unable to keep the worry out of his voice.

“Not sure,” Charlie said slowly. “He’s still in there and he’s working – now that the smoke is cleared we can follow him a lot easier but we lost at least half the cameras in there – but he stopped talking five minutes ago. We’re worried his voice circuits melted.”

“But he’s still alive?” Dean breathed out.

“Yeah, far as we can tell. Oh!” Charlie’s voice brightened. “That’s it! He’s done!”

“Wait, he’s speaking?”

“Sorry, lover boy,” Charlie said, “still not speaking, but our instruments are coming back into nominal ranges and he’s just turned and given a thumbs up to the closest camera. He’s heading for the door – no wait, he’s heading for decon… damn, smart thinking. He was basically bathing in all that radiation, he can’t leave or he exposes all of us. We’ll have to decontaminate the engine room too, but we can start that as soon as he’s clear. At least most of that should be gone with your little trick. Just traces left, but it’s still enough to make a person sick.”

“Okay, which one?” Dean said.

“Dean, decon takes several hours!” Charlie protested. “You’re not gonna sit outside the chamber the whole time, are you?”

“Charlie, I’m not leaving till I know he’s all right. There’s a vid com on the door, right?”

“Yeah…” She laughed. “Go get ‘em tiger. The door just cycled for chamber 2.”

Dean rolled his eyes fondly at her even though she couldn’t see him – or maybe she could - and made his way down the corridor, jogging past the massive engine room to reach the decon chamber on the other side.

Nerves fluttered like butterflies in his stomach when he approached the door, his steps slowing and his grin fading. He almost forgot about the fight. Would Cas even be happy to hear from Dean right now?

Maybe not, but Dean had to try. More importantly, he just had to know for himself Cas was all right, even if Cas decided they were done.

Steeling himself, taking a deep breath, Dean activated the vidcom. It showed nothing and he frowned, pulling at the joystick to move the camera about. It had a very limited range and he hoped Cas hadn’t picked the one spot anyone could get a glimpse of him from.

“Cas?” he called out.

Finally, the camera swept across a corner where Cas was slumped against the wall, sitting, his arms draped over his knees and his head resting on his arms. Where the coveralls didn’t cover, there were patches of circuits showing through the lifelike skin, and his head looked like someone had attacked him with a razor. There were burns on his coveralls, exposing more circuitry and bleeding skin.

Maybe it was synth skin? Like the stuff they used for grafts and stuff? No wonder it looked so lifelike, and even bled. Or maybe that wasn’t actually blood. Was Cas leaking… well, it was probably coolant, now that that Dean thought about it, colored to look like blood to help keep their cover. And that was a bad sign. For an android, losing too much coolant would be like a human losing blood. If Cas overheated it could fry all the bits that made him _him_.

All in all, Cas looked rather the worse for wear but… he had to still be alive, right? He’d made the repairs and then got himself to decon on his own and activated it.

“Cas, man, you gotta answer me. Let me know you’re all right, please?” Dean pleaded.

Dean’s breath caught as Cas shifted, bringing his head around jerkily to stare at the vidcom. His mouth moved but no sound came out. But then Cas moved his arm and gave Dean a tired looking thumbs up and Dean relaxed, his head falling forward briefly to hit the vid screen in relief.

“Okay, okay, that’s good. That’s… that’s real good,” Dean cleared his throat. “God, Cas, you scared me. I thought I was gonna lose ya… I’m sorry, I’m really sorry about before. You just, it took me by surprise, that’s all and, y’know, you’re right, you’re absolutely right.” God he was rambling, but he couldn’t seem to stop, even though he wasn’t sure how coherent he was right now and he _needed_ to say something. “I _do_ have to rethink some things. I’ve let bad memories and fear color my thinking… I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry. Please don’t leave me. Please, stay. God, I love you too. Did you know that? And I… I don’t care what you are, man or machine. You’re _you_ and you’ve always _been_ you and… and…”

Dean took a deep shuddering breath.

“I can’t lose you…” his voice broke and Dean had to stop. He pulled back to look at Cas again, _needing_ to see him, _wishing_ he had Cas within reach.

Cas sent him a tired smile before drooping again. Dean watched, but Cas didn’t move. Not even a twitch.

A hand landed on his shoulder and Dean jolted, turning to look at his brother.

“He’ll be okay, Dean,” Sam said, smiling reassuringly.

“Will he? Part of decontamination is the chemical bath – Sam!” Dean was becoming more and more alarmed as the implications of everything became more clear. “All his circuitry’s exposed! That can’t be good for him!”

“Calm down, Dean, panicking about it won’t do you or Cas any good. If we have to, we’ll put him back together again,” Sam said.

“What if we can’t?” Dean turned to face the vid com, Cas still hadn’t moved. Dean slumped against the wall. “What if… what if the damage is so extensive he _dies?”_

“Stop borrowing trouble before it happens,” Bobby’s voice came over the com. Dean startled, looking down at his hand. He hadn’t realized he’d left it open. “Besides, I got me the best damn crew this side of the galaxy. Somethin’ tells me we’ll have Cas up and on his feet again in no time.”

“I sure hope so,” Dean said.

The hours waiting for the decon to finish were agonizing, no less so for the fact that Cas didn’t move _once_ in all that time, no matter how Dean pleaded with him for a sign.

As soon as Charlie gave them the all clear, Dean was opening the door and rushing to his side, Sam just behind him. Dean fell to his knees beside Cas, trying to figure out just how to check on him. There would be no pulse but Dean couldn’t help but feel for one anyway.

Cas had one in the past, or Dean would have known something was up from the get go.

Now that he thought about it, that was probably the coolant pumping through his system, very much like blood. That brought new hope and Dean searched for a pulse with renewed vigor, his face falling as every second passed without finding one.

“Sonuvabitch! You’re not supposed to die, Cas! You can’t do this to me! I just patched you up!”

“Dean, let’s get him to the lab,” Sam broke in. “Whatever he needs, we can’t do it here.”

“Okay, okay, you just… I’ll grab him, you help me back up.” Dean reached for Cas, slipping an arm behind his back and another under his knees, trying not to catch on any of the exposed wires, or touch any of the open circuitry. Sam grabbed Dean under the arms and hauled him to his feet. Dean grunted. “Fuck, he’s heavy…”

“Do you want me to - ?” Sam started to ofer.

“I got him!” Dean growled.

Sam held up his hands placatingly. “Okay, okay!”

Getting Cas back to the lab was laborious, and Dean couldn’t guide himself at all in the Null Gravity junctions, but with Sam’s help, Dean soon had Cas sitting in a diagnostic chair, plugged into the computer.

He was looking through the readouts and mumbling when Charlie arrived.

“How is he?”

“Looks like he powered himself down on purpose – smart move, actually. He would have burnt out at the rate he was losing coolant, there’s almost nothing left in here. Sam went looking for the coolant. Looks like Cas has a supply hidden away in the back lab. There are a few melted wires - that’s what took out his voice - but those will be easy enough to replace. Have someone tell Claire to start whipping up a batch of synth skin –” Dean looked up at her. “Once we got all that taken care of, he should wake back up and we can figure out what else needs to be done.”

Dean flashed Charlie a relieved grin. “Holy shit! We can do this! I was afraid of how extensive the damage would be. I’m not exactly qualified for this but… this is doable!”

Charlie grinned back. “That’s awesome, Dean. Glad to hear it. I’d hate to lose Cas too.”

Dean set to work on the wires, Charlie occasionally passing him tools or parts that he needed after letting Claire know about the synth skin. Sam returned soon after they started with several canisters of what Dean figured had to be the coolant. It was finicky work, getting the wires fixed and checking to see where the coolant lines were leaking, but he persevered, talking as he worked.

“So um, does everybody on board know yet?” Dean asked, trying to sound casual.

“Know what? You mean, that Cas is an android?” Charlie shrugged. “I think so? Ship’s not _that_ big Dean. And everybody knows he went into that death trap and walked back out again.”

“And uh… everyone’s, everyones okay with that?” he asked quietly.

“Dean Winchester,” Charlie growled so suddenly that Dean dropped the tiny screwdriver he’d been using with a curse. Looking up, he saw her glaring at him with her arms crossed across her chest. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Sam standing, turned away but unmoving, obviously listening to hear what Charlie and Dean were saying. “I can’t _believe_ you! Cas is the best goddamn thing to ever happen to you and –“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Charlie, calm down!” Dean glanced guiltily at Cas and back at Charlie. “I admit, I did not react very well when I found out earlier tonight, and Sam and Bobby know my reasons. But you’re right. Cas is absolutely the best damn thing that ever happened to me. Once I got over my shock…” Dean shook his head. “That ain’t gonna be a problem anymore. I gotta unlearn some attitudes but, I’m not losing him. What I’m worried about is if there are others aboard that might have shared my… prejudices.”

“Oh,” Charlie said softly. She stared at Dean for a moment then threw herself at him, sniffling. “Oh Dean! I’m so proud of you!”

Dean turned red and hugged her back before pushing her away and speaking more gruffly than he’d meant to, “Okay, okay, red, off! I gotta get back to work if we’re gonna have Cas back to normal anytime soon.”

Charlie finally let go, volunteering to get them all food and check on how Claire was doing. Dean wound up working all night, only taking breaks when Sam insisted on it. Finding every leak so they didn’t waste the coolant when they topped Cas off was worse then fixing the wires and it took forever.

But Dean wouldn’t stop to rest without out being forced to it.

What if something got worse because he’d left it too long? What if being powered down like this did damage to Cas’s memories and personality? What if, when Dean finally got him put back together, he wasn’t the same man he’d fallen in love with?

And what if it was irreversible?

With that fear to drive him on, Dean continued working. There was no way he could stop now. He grumbled and complained every time Sam, Charlie or Bobby forced him to stop and close his eyes for five minutes or choke down some food before rushing back in. He worked so long he lost all track of time, and when he made the last repair he stared at Cas looking for more, unable to believe he’d finished.

Scraps of wire and singed skin, and burnt hair, along with pools of coolant and other fluids, scattered the table and floor of the R&M lab. Empty coolant canisters lay on their sides on the floor and Claire had just finished attaching the last of the synth skin and running the dermal regenerator over it to get it to knit with the old skin. It’d be tender, for a while – Dean had no idea how that worked but the skin had nerves and somehow, would work into Cas’s systems so that he could feel everything they did – but he was all patched up.

Except for the hair.

How did Cas even _have_ hair, anyway?

There was so much to learn about his boyfriend and Dean was… Dean was weirdly excited about it, actually. He thought he’d be weirded out by Cas being an AI but… the more he got used to the idea of it, the more he wanted to learn.

Claire stepped away. “It’ll take time for the hair to grow back. Though you might want to just shave him so it’ll grow back consistently,” she advised without even a hint of her usual snark. “And android or not, make sure he lets me know if he has any problems with the skin. At least _now_ I know why I never see him in the medbay.”

She shook her head and walked away, muttering to herself and Dean suddenly found himself – for the first time in over two days, maybe, he wasn’t entirely sure – alone with Cas in the lab.

Cas still sat in the chair, but all his ports save one were closed, with no more exposed circuitry or tubing. He had a full tank and he was halfway decent – well, if boxers counted as decent, anyway. Dean had had no choice but to strip him down to find all the damage. He’d forced everyone else to turn away to save Cas’s dignity – didn’t matter that he wasn’t awake for it – and as soon as he could cover him up again, Dean had done so.

He was done.

This was the moment of truth.

Dean reached for the open panel on Cas’s neck with trembling fingers. He hesitated briefly, taking a deep breath, closing his eyes and muttering, “Please, please, please be all right,” as he steeled himself up and pushed the on switch.

Nearly as soon as he did, Cas whirred to life. The panel snapped shut, Cas straightened in the chair, his eyes blinking slowly and his chest rising and falling.

Dean stared, his heart in his throat. Cas remained silent and Dean’s hand, still hovering by Cas’s neck, dropped to his shoulder. Turning his head slowly, Cas looked down first at Dean’s hand before following it up to his arm, all the way to Deans face.

“Dean?” Cas croaked out.

Letting out a slightly hysterical laugh, “Y-yeah… oh thank god, Cas…” With no more hesitation, Dean did what he’d been longing to do since Cas had walked out of their room with that stupid duffle bag.

Throwing himself at Cas, Dean clung to him, feeling desperately needy to have the comfort of Cas’s strong arms after all the ups and downs of the last few days. “I love you,” he choked out, trying not to cry. “You gotta believe me.”

“Did you… you fixed me?” Cas said, his voice still cracking and croaking as he brought his arms up to hold Dean close.

Dean sighed in relief and relaxed into Cas’s arms. “Well, I think I need to tweak a few things. You sound like you’re recovering from smoke inhalation…” Dean laughed wetly. Crap, he _was_ crying. “You may want to check yourself over, make sure I didn’t fuck anything else up, but you better believe I damn well tried.”

“I’m… am I detecting the hint of a changed mind?” Cas asked quietly, hopefully.

Dean nodded into his neck. “Just… help me out, okay Cas? Let me know when I’m being stupid. And you know me, I’m _gonna_ be stupid. But I don’t want to be.” Dean shuddered and hiccupped. “Don’t leave me. And don’t you _dare_ die on me… on any of us. We were all worried about you.”

“You were?” Cas said, disbelief coloring his words so strongly that dean pulled back, still sniffling to stare him in the face. Cas’s eyes were wide, his mouth had parted in surprise and he just looked so stunned that it hurt Dean to see it.

“Of _course_ we were. You’re family. This isn’t a one-way street, Cas. We love you too. You gotta believe that. Sam, Charlie, Bobby, Claire? All of them were in here helping me put you back together, and the rest of ‘em have either stopped by to check on you, or sent messages of well wishes and good luck.”  Dean reluctantly disentangled himself from his boyfriend and pulled up the com screen on the computer. He tapped the screen a few times and then turned it towards Cas.

“Here, read for yourself.”

Cas leaned forward to do so and Dean waited patiently – well, as patiently as Dean ever waited, his foot jiggling, his hands fiddling with his zipper as he watched Cas anxiously.

Speaking more quietly, Dean said, “You matter, Cas. I meant what I said before, at the decon chamber. Man or machine, you matter. You’re always welcome here – this is your home now, too, you got it? Always, for as long as you want it, even if you decide my dumbass ain’t worth it, okay?”

Looking up, Cas blinked at Dean, reading him silently for a few, nerve wracking seconds. Then, before Dean could process it, Cas was standing in his space, his hands cupping Dean’s jaw and cheeks gently.

“You’re worth it, Dean. I knew almost the second I laid eyes on you, you would _always_ be worth it.”

Dean blushed, looking away, unable to hold eye contact with so much adoration shining from the blue depths.

But he couldn’t help bringing his own hands up to cover Cas’s. Dean swallowed and forced himself to look back into Cas’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” Dean said softly. “For everything I said. The things I said when I found out the truth, for all the things I said before… You didn’t deserve it – any of it. And I’m not just saying it. I really mean it.”

“I know,” Cas agreed. His thumbs caressed Dean’s cheeks, sliding over his freckles – Dean knew that Cas was obsessed with his freckles. He had always found it strangely endearing.

“C’mon,” Dean said, yawning this time. “I don’t know where you decided to bunk when you l-left me, but I gotta get to bed. I don’t know when’s the last time I slept.”

Yawning again, suddenly feeling bone tired, Dean stepped back, Cas’s hands falling away from his face. Dean caught one before it came to rest at his side and curled his fingers into Cas’s.

“W-will you come with me? Or… or do you still need some space?” Dean asked. Then giggled. Space. In the middle of space. He’s asking Cas if he needs more space when they’re already flying through space.

Cas stared at him in fond exasperation. “I think I better come with you and get you put to bed. And then make sure you stay there longer than the four hours you seem to think is sufficient. You’re quite obviously sleep deprived.”

“And how will you make sure I stay there?” Dean giggled again, unable to stop himself as he wiggled his eyebrows at Cas.

He was totally sleep deprived.

Maybe he could explain away the totally unmanly crying from earlier with that excuse too?

“I’ll stay with you, of course,” Cas said, as if it were a no brainer. Maybe it had been, once, but Dean still wasn’t too sure where he stood right now.

They probably still need to have a good, long talk but… this was a good start.

Dean yawned again and Cas gently steered him out of the room, shutting the light while waiting for the door to cycle open.

They’d gotten one whole corridor through the ship with Dean leaning heavily against Cas before Cas sighed, and picked him up easily, tucking Dean’s head against his neck. Dean wasted no time in curling into Cas’s warmth, listening to the ‘heartbeat’ that had always soothed him through the worst nights.

He was asleep before they even made it back to their room, and with Cas tucked in beside him, Dean slept through the rest of the day peacefully and well into the night, the rise and fall of Cas’s chest under his head the best pillow he could ever want.

Dean would spend the better part of the next year learning all he could about androids to better help Cas with any problems that popped up in the future and in doing so, he found himself finally able to let go of the blind hatred he’d had for all of them, especially when Jack joined the crew at Cas’s behest.

The young boy had been found, discarded and broken, and when Cas had turned those blue eyes on Dean – well, you couldn’t convince him _ever again_ that Androids weren’t people.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ART ADDED by [Blue-Reveries ](https://blue-reveries.tumblr.com/) thank you!!


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